For The Doctor
by In-My-Head-749
Summary: After Trenzalore Clara is struggling to cope with all the memories. It hurts. She wants it to end. Will The Doctor be able to save her before she makes a terrible mistake? Whouffle. Possibly triggering. Oneshot.


**So, this is my first Doctor Who fic, the idea just came to me so...yeah...**

**WARNING: POSSIBLY TRIGGERING FOR SELF HARM VICTIMS**

She's running. Running as fast as she can, through the Jungles of Trinamium, she can hear the thumping footsteps of the Beast of Hiraken behind her, gaining on her with every step.

Her clothes are in tatters all over her body, ripped and ragged, it's a shame really, she paid good money for them.

She can't see The Doctor or Tegan anymore, they must've got back to the Tardis. They'd probably never find out what, or who it was that had distracted the deadly beast from them, that they had been sure there was no escape from.

She was still running, but she knew there was no point, she had done what she had needed to do. So she started to slow down, she knew the beast would be on her in a matter of seconds now.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, waiting for the pain of the creature's claws sinking into her flesh and ripping her to pieces, the pain that she had no way of avoiding.

She didn't want to do it, she didn't want to die, no way, but she would do it, she would always do it.

For The Doctor, she would do anything.

* * *

Clara let out a gasp as she felt the pain. It hurt, everywhere hurt. But she wasn't in the jungle, like she had been, oh no, she was sitting in her bed, feeling everything from there.

Straight after Trenzalore she hadn't had any of this, she was normal. But now, 3 months later, the memories, if that was what they were, came thick and fast, randomly, day or night, but one thing about all of them were the same. She was always saving The Doctor, and it always hurt, but the recent ones had been much more painful, and they were lasting a lot longer.

She had lived so many different lives in so many different places, and it hurt.

Clara let out another gasp as she felt an antogonising shot of pain burst into her head, it was happening again...

* * *

She was underwater, on the planet of Hypicode. She was going into what was commonly known as the storm, but was actually called the raging storms of Amegon, the god which all Hypicidian's worshipped. As a child she and her friends had been forbidden to go into the storm, because it was dangerous, because the currents in the water were to forceful for even the strongest Hypicidian soldier wouldn't be able to swim through.

But she had to go in, because she had seen The Doctor and Jo swim in just moments before, because if she didn't go in, they would die, and she couldn't let them die, because her sole reason for being alive was to make sure The Doctor never died.

She could feel the current getting stronger already, and she was scared, not just scared, she was terrified, everyone knew the tale of how to stop the storms. You had to swim into the centre of them, right into the middle, and then, they would stop, they would never start again.

The only thing was, there was no way out, a sacrifice, that's what she was going to be, a sacrifice to save The Doctor.

She could see the Doctor and Jo in front of her, both of them struggling in the strong force. She was going to have to take the direct route. She could see the darkness of the centre of the storm, where she had to go.

She couldn't cry though, she wouldn't. She had to do this. She turned teh direction of her body and propelled herself through the water.

She didn't want to do it, she didn't want to die, no way, but she would do it, she would always do it.

For The Doctor, she would do anything.

* * *

Clara clutched her head in agony. Tears flwoing down her face, tears that she was unable to stop, the pain that engulfed her was unbearable, she didn't know how she was still alive, but she was, somehow, and sometimes, during moments like this, she wished she wasn't.

During moments like this, she wished that what she had attempted almost 10 years ago now had worked. She wished that her dad hadn't come home from work early that fateful day to find her 17 year old self covered in blood and unconscious on the floor next to an empty bottle of pills.

After her mum had died she had fallen into a deep depression. Everything had gone wrong. She had restricted her eating and weight was dropping off her. She had found relief in the feeling of dragging a blade across her skin, it made her feel alive.

But that day, her dad was supposed to be working late, and she had just wanted everything to end.

Her eyes fell to the scars that remained on her arms, faded, but not gone, they would never be gone, they would always be there, a permanent reminder of what she had faced.

She let out a silent scream as her head was overtaken by another antagonising vision.

* * *

She was sat on the bench, waiting for The Doctor and Rose to walk past, because she knew they would, she knew they were going to be here, she didn't know how, she just knew, she didn't know where they were heading either, she just knew she had to save them.

She caught sight of him, she didn't know how she knew it was him, but it was. The blonde next to him had to be Rose. She heard some of the conversation.

"...Earth! Again! Couldn't we have gone somewhere a bit...you know...more interesting?" Rose questioned as she smiled at the brown haired man.

"What's wrong with Earth? I think it's very interesting. All these people that-"

They had walked past without even noticing her. Good. She stood up, and started to follow them, her hood up and her hands in her pockets. She had no idea how far they were going to go, how far she was going to have to go. All she knew was that she was going to have to save them.

They looked like they were having a nice time, laughing and having fun, they probably didn't know what life threatening danger they were going to face, if they did they were being very happy about it.

Suddenly a strange sensation overtook her, like something had jumped into her body, something had jumped into her body, but she didn't know what, and it hurt.

'_Kill them' _The voice was in her head, but it sounded so real, so convincing. She looked down at her hands to see that she was somehow holding a gun, a gun that didn't look very earth like.

_'Kill them'_ There it was again, and, even though she didn't want to, she felt her arm start to raise from by her side. _'No!' _She forced her arm back down, she wasn't going to kill them, she was here to save them, not kill them.

_'Do it' _The voice sounded evil, like a snake, it was horrible. It had control over her body, her arm started to raise again, further this time, until the gun was pointing at Rose' back. _'Pull the trigger' _There was the voice again, and she felt her finger start to curl.

Then she knew what she had to do, what she needed to do to save The Doctor. With what felt like all of her remaining strength she turned her arm so the gun was pointing at her head. She closed her eyes as she felt her finger move.

She didn't want to do it, she didn't want to die, no way, but she would do it, she would always do it.

For The Doctor, she would do anything.

* * *

Clara couldn't make a sound as more tears fell down her face. She couldn't do it anymore, she could hardly move, her body was rigid with pain.

Her eyes studied the scars on her arms, every one told a different story, stories that she would never tell. Her head was full of thoughts and ideas, and one was stronger than most. She just couldn't cope.

With a burst of power she jumped up and ran to the kitchen, and grabbed the sharpest knife in the cupboard. She held it above her wrist, tears falling onto the cold, metallic blade as she considered the feeling of it slicing through her skin.

She started to lower the knife when she heard a strange noise, it sounded like a moan, a low, pained moan. And then she realised what it was, it was the Tardis.

Clara let out a tear filled laugh, "You don't care, you never liked me, you messed things up enough times to show me that." Clara spoke bitterly through the sobs that racked her body.

She carried on lowering the knife until the blade was resting on her skin. She was preparing to press down when she heard him, he sounded worried, scared even, "Clara?" The Doctor said her name in a questioning way, as if he was unsure what she was doing, but in actual fact, he knew exactly what was happening.

"I-I'm sorry," Clara managed to choke out, "I-I just can't do it-this anymore, it, it hurts." The knife was dangerously close to cutting her arm open and The Doctor could see that.

He slowly started making his way towards Clara, knowing that any sudden movements could scare her into doing something she'd later regret. "What can't you do?" He questioned, unsure what she was talking about.

"Any of this. I'm seeing, all of these lives, all of my lives, and it hurts Doctor, oh god it kills!" Clara could hardly talk through the sobs that shook her body and made her hands shake, she couldn't keep the knife still.

"I can help you Clara, you just have to talk to me, and I'll help you, I promise." The Doctor continued taking small steps towards Clara, he had never seen Clara like this before, and he would easily admit that it scared him. But he cared about her, more than she thought he did, he hadn't felt like that, since Rose. And he thought he'd never feel like that again, but he did, right now. Even with her red, tear stained face and scars on show she was beautiful, she would always be beautiful.

"You can't help me," Clara replied bitterly, "No one can help me."

"I can help you," The Doctor argued, "Just put the knife down, please." The Doctor was starting to beg with Clara, he couldn't stand seeing her like this, she looked so vulnerable, he had to help her.

The Doctor was infront of Clara now, and he placed his steady hands over her shaking ones. "Clara look at me." The Doctor said softly, "Look at me."

Clara reluctantly looked into the Doctor's eyes, they looked so warm and kind. The Doctor kept eye contact with her and slowly moved his face closer to her's. Soon their lips were millimetres apart.

The Doctor heard Clara's breath catch in her throat. The next second their lips were touching, a rush of electricity passed through their bodies, the warm kind. The Doctor felt Clara's hand's start to relax and the next second the knife clattered to the floor between them.

Clara slowly pulled away before collapsing to the floor and wrapping her arms around her knee's, making herself as small as possible. The Doctor kicked the knife out of the way before crouching down beside her and wrapping his arms around her crying form.

He tenderly kissed her forehead before whispering, "I love you Clara Oswald, I will always love you."

He knows, for Clara he will do anything...

**So, please review thanks :)**


End file.
